whetaver:

gf: come over

me: cant im a dinosaur and i died 65 million yrs ago

gf: im off my period

me: image

17,305 notes

turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

235,655 notes

religiousmom:

do white boys do anything besides make facebook statuses asking who wants to hang

16,718 notes

ragefacegameface:

whoopsimalive:

basedpidgeot:

gf: babe come over

me (a lawnmower) : no i cant im cutting the grass and you live in the sky

gf: my parents are out

me: image

follow your dreams

your dream is to fuck the sky?

27,445 notes

now-theres-a-spoiler-for-you:

houseofhannibal:

madame-vashtranerada:

houseofhannibal:

dash is named dash because he runs really fast

violet is named violet because ultraviolet rays are invisible to the human eye

so what’s jack jack’s name got to do with his power

jack of all trades because he has so many powers

OH

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

32,918 notes

romankyaryday:

i went to a new school when i started second grade and i still remember what my parents said to me as they dropped me off on my first day at the new school: “dont do your yoshi impression, it’s weird and you’ll make no friends.”

163,420 notes